I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Randomize
