my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Pooping to opera.
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