Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
3 2 1 whiskey
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
