So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
