I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can feel your judgement through the phone
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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