Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
