What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize