no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
