The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
