exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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