she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
