can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
