I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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