They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
