tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
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I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
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My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
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