Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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