He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
