this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
