take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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