he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
