I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
