He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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