remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
