whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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