So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Congratulations! We have a period
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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