i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I still have a little drunk in my system
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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