So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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