Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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