I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
