We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Randomize
