Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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