I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Randomize
