True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
