My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
