i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I intend to get homeless drunk
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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