If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
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