Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
