I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
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Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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