I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Randomize
