I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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