There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
