you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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