i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
two words...techno handjob
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
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