There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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