I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
