You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
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is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
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I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize