Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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