what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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