holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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