she looked like the bat from fern gully.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Randomize
