She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
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