before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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