it wasn't lemon gatorade
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
