operation harelip BJ is a go
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
