My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize
