We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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