So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Randomize
