Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
