he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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