the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
