I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize
