We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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